that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
