Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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