He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
