I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
