seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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