just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
