i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
