So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i believe in u and ur pee
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
