at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
