you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
