I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
