he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
