Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There r osticjed everywhere
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
