She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
