I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
