were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
