The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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