fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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