highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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