i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize