i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
