went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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