I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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