I feel great
I just peed on a car
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
