I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize