and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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