I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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