i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
