So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
