lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
