I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
