why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
