The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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