just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Operation Purity has been aborted
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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