last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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