I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
