I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
