i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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