The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
