how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
