today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
