my shit smells like andre
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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