so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
