I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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