I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
