Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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