alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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