The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
