Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
