But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
