I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
