Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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