Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize