Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
