Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
