Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
