it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
