Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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