he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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