What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
