I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
