Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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