someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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