We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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