Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Rumble strips road head = magical
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
