WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
