She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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