the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
